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Written By The Fabulous Maryam Mustapha, A Fashion Designer

I am Maryam Mustapha, half Nigerian and half Ghanaian. I am the first of my parents 4 kids, I love to sing, dance and entertain. I did a Post-graduate course in Public Relations and Advertisement in OAU, Nigeria.My story…

I was 22 when I met a man I thought was the angel I had been dreaming of. Then I had a career in music; I loved the entertainment industry. I would say that was one of the things that gave me life and a purpose in life. I met this man when I was at my final year at school. Though he was 18 years older than me, I didn’t care about the age difference then because I felt older men are wiser. Well we got together and started dating. Some few months later, he met my parents.

The love was so blinding then that I moved in with him, my parents were not comfortable with the decision I made but I wouldn’t have listened even if I was advised against it. I cared about him and in some few more months he asked me to marry him by proposing in front of my parents. That made me so happy and I saw the relationship to be the best thing that has ever happened to me at that time. I was a virgin and had always wanted one man in my life because I see as a sacred thing in life. However, because we were engaged I thought I had no reason to hold myself back from given him my body.

Now the little I knew about this man then was that he was once married in Portugal with a daughter and the marriage was because he needed to get his ‘papers’ to stay in the country. Also, he had a son with another woman who broke his heart by cheating on him with another man which resulted in a baby girl for the man all according to him. He also said he chose to take care of the second child that was not his. Of course that was a good story to tell a girl with a soft heart like mine. I thought ‘Awww what a good man I have found!’

Suddenly he didn’t like the career I had chosen. I had to stop to make him happy though it made me feel less because my career was sort of a part of me. Then he started choosing who I could keep as friends and who not to. I started keeping away from all my friends followed by my parents. He didn’t want me around my mother, not even to pick her calls. Things started getting sour. But I stayed because he was my first and I was scared to have another.

I got pregnant and lost it after so much stress and emotionally crisis. We had so many unhealthy fights and arguments, at times we even got physical. I became a monster; he brought out the worst in me. I was capable of hurting him and myself. I became depressed, but I still did not leave as I was scared of how to start all over again.

I got pregnant again, I told him about it and I saw he wasn’t happy about it. I am not the type that likes to snoop around people’s privacy but this time I had to. I went through his phone one day and found a conversation between him and his supposed cheating wife. I was shocked to find a message saying she was the best thing that ever happened to him, he missed her and both kids, he could not wait to be with them…! I was shocked! God I cried my eyes out. On that day I confronted him and he denied, giving me a stupid reason why he had to send such messages to her. Well I was not having any more drama in my life as I was expecting a child. It is one thing to endure pain but it’s another thing for a child growing up in an environment where hate is the oxygen taken in.

I had to walk out of the relationship with all the fear and doubts about where to start from. After I had my child I contacted his wife telling her everything that transpired between us, she confronted him and he denied saying I was a whore trying to set him up. I was hurt and angry at the world but along the way came God. A good friend helped me get out of my emotional trauma.

My life now…

Now I count myself blessed with a beautiful daughter, she is going to be four in May. Ever since I had my little angel, God has been merciful to me. We never lack, we are so blessed. I am into fashion and plan to go back to my career as a musician, as soon as an opportunity surfaces. I am saying thanks to God almighty for giving me the gift of life and a chance to redeem myself as each day passes by.

My advice…

This is my story for anyone who is facing similar or worse than I did. Always remember you are not alone; God lives and loves you.

Source: The Fabulous Woman Network Facebook page.

Whiles The Fabulous Woman Network strives to make the information on this page as accurate as possible, it makes no claims or endorsement of the accuracy of the contents
in this interview and hereby expressly disclaims liability for any errors or inaccuracies
contained therein.

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