HE BROUGHT OUT THE WORST IN ME
Written By The Fabulous Maryam Mustapha, A Fashion Designer
I am Maryam Mustapha, half Nigerian and half Ghanaian. I am the first of my parents 4 kids, I love to sing, dance and entertain. I did a Post-graduate course in Public Relations and Advertisement in OAU, Nigeria.My story…
I was 22 when I met a man I thought was the angel I had been dreaming of. Then I had a career in music; I loved the entertainment industry. I would say that was one of the things that gave me life and a purpose in life. I met this man when I was at my final year at school. Though he was 18 years older than me, I didn’t care about the age difference then because I felt older men are wiser. Well we got together and started dating. Some few months later, he met my parents.
The love was so blinding then that I moved in with him, my parents were not comfortable with the decision I made but I wouldn’t have listened even if I was advised against it. I cared about him and in some few more months he asked me to marry him by proposing in front of my parents. That made me so happy and I saw the relationship to be the best thing that has ever happened to me at that time. I was a virgin and had always wanted one man in my life because I see as a sacred thing in life. However, because we were engaged I thought I had no reason to hold myself back from given him my body.
Now the little I knew about this man then was that he was once married in Portugal with a daughter and the marriage was because he needed to get his ‘papers’ to stay in the country. Also, he had a son with another woman who broke his heart by cheating on him with another man which resulted in a baby girl for the man all according to him. He also said he chose to take care of the second child that was not his. Of course that was a good story to tell a girl with a soft heart like mine. I thought ‘Awww what a good man I have found!’
Suddenly he didn’t like the career I had chosen. I had to stop to make him happy though it made me feel less because my career was sort of a part of me. Then he started choosing who I could keep as friends and who not to. I started keeping away from all my friends followed by my parents. He didn’t want me around my mother, not even to pick her calls. Things started getting sour. But I stayed because he was my first and I was scared to have another.
I got pregnant and lost it after so much stress and emotionally crisis. We had so many unhealthy fights and arguments, at times we even got physical. I became a monster; he brought out the worst in me. I was capable of hurting him and myself. I became depressed, but I still did not leave as I was scared of how to start all over again.
I got pregnant again, I told him about it and I saw he wasn’t happy about it. I am not the type that likes to snoop around people’s privacy but this time I had to. I went through his phone one day and found a conversation between him and his supposed cheating wife. I was shocked to find a message saying she was the best thing that ever happened to him, he missed her and both kids, he could not wait to be with them…! I was shocked! God I cried my eyes out. On that day I confronted him and he denied, giving me a stupid reason why he had to send such messages to her. Well I was not having any more drama in my life as I was expecting a child. It is one thing to endure pain but it’s another thing for a child growing up in an environment where hate is the oxygen taken in.
I had to walk out of the relationship with all the fear and doubts about where to start from. After I had my child I contacted his wife telling her everything that transpired between us, she confronted him and he denied saying I was a whore trying to set him up. I was hurt and angry at the world but along the way came God. A good friend helped me get out of my emotional trauma.
My life now…
Now I count myself blessed with a beautiful daughter, she is going to be four in May. Ever since I had my little angel, God has been merciful to me. We never lack, we are so blessed. I am into fashion and plan to go back to my career as a musician, as soon as an opportunity surfaces. I am saying thanks to God almighty for giving me the gift of life and a chance to redeem myself as each day passes by.
This is my story for anyone who is facing similar or worse than I did. Always remember you are not alone; God lives and loves you.
Source: The Fabulous Woman Network Facebook page.
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